In Five Years

I started using Gyminee this morning to track what I eat. I’ve also been trying to get up earlier in the morning and do a quick workout. I say trying because I haven’t actually done it yet. I set the alarm early enough and everything, and I even wake up and get out of bed. For some reason I convince myself I should get back in bed though. I need to figure out how to overrule 5:30 AM Michael with 10 PM Michael and actually stay up and go do a workout.

Oh I also switched to decaf a few days ago, so I have a bit of a headache. Should go away soon I imagine.

In short, I write for me. I’m not writing here for people to read it and then give me advice on my situation. I’m sure some people will eventually, don’t get me wrong, I love hearing from people, but that’s not my motivation for writing. My motivation for writing is just that, motivation. It’s a way to self motivate myself, a way to track what’s going on in my life, what I did today, what I want to do tomorrow or the next, how I feel about what I did or what I want to do. It’s my story, nothing more, nothing less. There will be good days and bad, high points and lows, but in the end, all there will be is me, and that’s enough.

I’ve been silent for awhile. I started writing again awhile ago, just here and there, kept the posts as drafts thinking I’d come back and publish them; never did. Life has gone on obviously since then. I got laid off, found a new job, went on vacation, had a birthday, I even have a son due in November. Through it all, however, my mind seems to be getting more and more off track. My overall plan is getting hazier instead of clearer. A big part of that, I’ve realized, is because I stopped writing, stopped keeping a journal, stopped getting things out of my head and down onto paper. The longer I go without writing, the harder it is to get back into it and start getting my life back in order again. I didn’t even really want to write this post, but I’m forcing myself, and I’ll force myself to publish it. Probably without proof-reading, as I’d use that as a form of delaying it and then might not even post it.

There’s a lot of stuff I have to still get out of my head, get organized, and get moving on, but at least this is a start. I can’t do it all in one day, which is tough for me to realize and work through, it might take months, most likely years for what I really want, but I’ll get there, just have to keep moving forward one step at a time.